Hard

This week has been hard.

This month has been hard (and its only the 14th).

School hit the ground running. Jack has been learning all about being in middle school. We have been learning all about being in middle school.

Two weeks into school, he brings home science fair homework. Each week something is due for the project. We can't officially start the project until all of these little pieces are turned in. This week, he brought home information on a science project that is due in 3 weeks (on top of science fair and all regular homework).

For the most part he has been doing well in school. For the most part.

A little background, Jack has ADHD and ODD which shows its head in the form of behavior problems at school. We have been dealing with this for almost 8 years.

It is tiring. Exhausting.

He is growing and not having near the issues that he has had in the past. When he was younger the issues were much longer and much harder to get through.

During those years, I never thought we would see the light at the end of the tunnel. There was a lot of therapy - family, individual for him and group for him. It was tiring but it was worth it. That therapy and learning of different techniques is what brought the growth.

I am glad for the growth. It is the only way that we have gotten this far. There were many days when Jon and I both wanted to throw in the towel. It was too hard.

How could we keep doing this? Why did this make us feel like failures as parents, as adults?

For the last couple of school years, we got phone calls in the first week of school due to some behavioral problem that popped up. Calls to come and get him because he just wouldn't calm down. Do you know how sad that makes you feel as a parent? How judged you feel because your child had to be sent home during the first week of school? It is so frustrating. There were days that I would sit in my truck and just cry.

Yesterday, we got our first call of this school year. The deflated defeated feeling hit me like a truck. I could physically feel it. Jon and I both just looked at each other. Neither knowing what to say or how to fix it. We picked him up - by this time he was calm. We talked. He acknowledged what he did and how he would respond next time.

Progress.

However, as a mom, it was still hard. So very hard.

Even though it has been hard we have to keep moving forward. One foot in front of the other. I know that if I don't set the example that he won't understand that everyone has bad days.

Even moms have bad days. Especially this one.

Keep pushing through mama. You're doing a great job.

The Day Before the World Changed

Here we sit in the final hours of September 10th.

17 years ago, all Americans were winding down from a Monday (much like today). There were thousands of people that were spending their last night on this earth. None of us knew what the next day would hold. Only God.

17 years ago, I was 18 years old and in my first full week of college. I had just finished my 4th day of class. I have no recall of what I did on Monday evening but I can recall almost every minute of what I did on September 11.

!7 years ago, the naivety of myself and my life was in its final hours. I thought that I had been through some rough things up to this point in my life but little did I know what was coming.

But then September 11.

I often think about the thoughts of God during this night. I know that He knew of the evil that was about to befall our country. The weeks, months, and years following this event were full of questions - many of them asking why God would allow this to happen. When I remember hearing those questions, I go to the story of Job. I believe that God used this act of great evil to turn people to Him.

Tomorrow, we will remember all of those people that boarded a plane that never made it to its destination. All of those people that simply walked into a building to go to work, in New York and Washington D.C. Tomorrow, we will relive the worst day in American history.

Tonight, we remember the innocence of life before the day the world changed.