Closing a Chapter

Summer is here. 9 weeks of pretty much doing nothing. Right up any kids alley. It was hard going into summer this year because we are closing a chapter. A big chapter.

You see we have officially finished elementary school. We are moving into the preteen/teen years.

Oh no. I'm not ready.

I don't want too.

6 years at the same school came to an end all too fast. We are picking up and moving to another school. I know no one. Jack, on the other hand, knows a few people. Probably more than I know. He's so excited. I'm so nervous. All Jack looks at is that he is changing schools and he is getting bigger. He knows he will have 7 classes and will change classes. He is so excited and is looking forward to it.

I am freaking out. Being the mom of a child with medical issues and an IEP makes moving to a new school very difficult. There have already been phone calls to the district offices to inquire about a nurse. Watching closely at all news stories that have anything to do with new administration at the schools. We have already found out that his school will be getting a new principal. I have heard from another mom that there is word that one of the assistant principals is moving schools. That one is tough for me as I have already begun to form a relationship with him. We are waiting for state test scores to come in so that I can call the guidance counselor to set up a meeting to go over his IEP, needs for his Type 1 and the fact that he has a service dog.

Let me veer here for a second. In a phone call from the county health nurse that is at his school one day a week (we won't start on that right now), I mentioned that he has a service dog. The first thing that came out of her mouth was "Is the dog coming to school with him?" When I opened my mouth sarcasm fell out. I couldn't help it. It just spilled right out. Why does most people ask me if he goes to school with him? Yes, Izzy goes to school. Jack goes to school so Izzy goes.

That's all on that.

Back to my closing chapter.

I know that as the mom it is my responsibility to worry and manage all of these things. However, in doing all of those things, I am constantly realizing that my little boy is growing up.

Do you remember when your baby was born? Do you remember someone or everyone telling you to take it all in because that tiny newborn baby is going to grow up so fast and before you know it they will be going off to college/military/job? Well, I am here to tell you that it really does happen that fast. I thought that I would have so much longer before I was having to worry about teenage years.

I remember when Jack was little (toddler stage) that it was going to be forever before he went to "big" school. Those first five years seemed to go on forever. I loved them. For the most part. Then came kindergarten. I thought that he would be in elementary school forever. Nope.

I am here to tell you to cherish every chapter, every stage, every day. It all goes by so quickly.

So here we are at the start of a new chapter and I'm going through. Reluctantly but I'm going.

Don't Give Up

When I logged in to Facebook around mid-morning this morning, I was met with the news that Kate Spade (a famous designer) had committed suicide. No one knew that she was struggling with anything. She seemed like a happy mom of a 13 year old. There will be many questions over the next few months as to why she did this.

Living in this world is hard. It doesn't matter your circumstance, your struggles, your battles. Life doesn't take any of that into account. However, God tells us that in this life we WILL have many troubles. Another thing to remember is that life is this way because we live in a fallen, sin filled world. I do believe that life has become so much harder since the age of social media has started. We all feel that we must be perfect. We feel that we must put up a perfect life on the internet so that everyone will think  we have it all together. When in reality, we often don't have it together at all. We are often holding on by a tiny thread that can break at any moment.

There are many times when I feel like I am drowning. I say this because I have a loving, helpful spouse and a great support system. Many times in a week, I feel overwhelmed. When I feel like this, I don't know what to do or where to go. Most of the time I just keep pushing through. I feel lucky to have so many great people around me to support me. The problem is that a lot of people don't have a good support system, if any at all.

The hardest thing to admit to is that even though I have such a wonderful support system, there are many times that I find myself sitting in isolation. When living with a child that has a severe medical condition, being the full time care-giver of an aging parent, or living in a difficult situation, the first thing that seems to grab hold is isolation. The situation and the devil have a way of getting into our brains to tell us that no one will understand what we are going through. That no one wants to hear what is going on or wrong with us. That isolation can cause us to think that we don't matter to anyone. It can cause us to think that it is not okay to reach out for help of any kind.

I know that there are a lot of people out there that say everything is going to be ok, ask for help, etc. It is easy to say those words and never follow them up with actual actions. When that happens, it can further deepen the false words that you don't matter.

I am writing this to tell you (and me) to not give up. There is someone that loves you and is counting on you. Keep fighting. Find someone that you trust that you can talk to. You can talk to me - I'm a great listener (or so I've been told).

Please don't give up. You are so loved.